Monday, February 11, 2008

On Travel


He: Listen, this year we could go to New Zealand for our vacation.
She: Why?
He: Well, because… Haven’t you ever read The Children of Captain Grant? You know it was my childhood dream to go to new Zealand.
She: Fine, dear. We will go to New Zealand. You don’t even know how much I’m looking forward to it.


He: (studying ocean liners, maps of New Zealand, etc.) Hm. Hm. That’s an awful connection! And here, as far as I can tell, there aren’t even any roads. You have to go by boat. Hm. But maybe there would be a connection…
She: Listen…are you listening?
He: What?
She: Couldn’t we go to Iceland this year?
He: Why?
She: Everyone’s going to Iceland this year.
He: That’s why we’re going to New Zealand.
She: But I wanted to go to Iceland so much! It must be great there!
He: And you only tell me this now when we already have plans for New Zealand?
She: Fine, dear, we’ll go to New Zealand like you want. And we won’t speak about it further, right?


He: (studying ocean liners, maps of Iceland, books about Iceland, the Icelandic sagas etc.) Hmm. Hmmm. Christ, this is a bad connection! You have to go by horse. And here, as far as I can tell, there aren’t even footpaths over the mountains. That’s stupid. Hm. How would one get there? Maybe on a fishing boat?
She: Listen, couldn’t we go to Holland?
He: Why?
She: They say there’s great swimming in Katwijk. Emča told me they went there yesterday—And it’s supposed to be really cheap there.
He: But you wanted to go to Iceland!
She: Me? It never occurred to me! There’s no swimming there.


He: (studying maps of Holland, hotel brochures, etc.). Hm. But it is expensive there! And what if we were to take a side trip to the colonies, since we’d already be in Holland, maybe Suriname or Java! Listen!
She: What?
He: Since we’d already be in Holland, would you want to have a look at Java?
She: Is there swimming there?
He: Yes, fantastic swimming. Beautiful white boats sail there too.
She: Excellent, then, we’ll go to Java! I just got a new white dress with a red belt—you have no idea how much I’m looking forward to Java!


She: We’re going to Java this year.
Friend: Why?
She: For the swimming. There is supposed to be great swimming there.
Friend: Who told you that?
She: Everybody. The water is great there.
Friend: It is, but it’s full of sharks. I wouldn’t go there. Java’s as safe as lava.
She: Where would you go to swim?
Friend: I’ll tell you: if you want to swim, go to the Alps, to Mortarlasee. Lago di Mortarla, you know? I went swimming there once—such bliss!
She: And can you get to Holland from there, to Katwijk?
He: Of course you can.


She: Listen (etc.).
He: (studying maps of the Alps, alpine horticulture, hotel brochures, mountain climbing, etc.)

(After vacation.)

Friend: So where did you go this year?
She: Well, to Dubrovnik!
He: There was great swimming there.
Friend: And since you were in Dubrovnik, did you go see Progir? No? You didn’t see a thing, then. And you didn’t go out to Vis either? If you ask me, you went there for nothing! I could have told you where to go!


She: You see? I told you! We should have gone to Iceland. Everyone was going to Dubrovnik, that was no trip at all—

LN, 6 June 1937


Andrew said...

The original has "Java je otrava" (lit. "Java is poison/a bore"). Hence my kludge involving lava.

Not a whole lot rhymes with Java. Guava? Ostrava? Fava?

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