Sunday, January 13, 2008


     Damn that government! My pipe's gone out already!

     How can I go out, since I've already had too much to drink?

     I say raise the price of rolls and lower the price of everything else, and this crisis will pass.

     ...we work together; we all, you and I, work for my firm.

City Dweller
     Scandalous! What have our poor come to, that they have nothing to eat here but beggars from another district!

The Newspapers
     The truth is only that which is in the interest of our party.

     I say that all charitable foundations should be abolished.

The Sated
     All this business about famine is horribly overstated. It's not so bad.

Old Memorial
     I said we were hurtling towards an abyss fifty years ago!

     I see that this world is headed for its end.

Man of Letters
     How is it not enough that I write books?

     I have not lived in vain...just think of the hatred I've managed to conjure up!

     A man has his honor. I wouldn't write under my own name.

     A whole week already and no global catastrophe! What does a man even buy the paper for?

     We protest in the name of professional honor against everything in this world that threatens us.

In the Editor's Office
     Here is news that a cure has been found for the bubonic plague. Do you remember if our party is for plague or against it?

     Than God the contract is settled; now we just have to think of a way to break it.

International Law
     What one can not do legally can be done for reasons of prestige.

The Leader
     God has decided I must lead my nation, thanks to intensive propaganda.

     International law? That's always what the other guys are breaking.

Funeral Parlor
     Our nation is sinking. We have no great men any more...It's been so long since we had a really glorious funeral!

     How would he fight for his country? He doesn't have one!

     The first rule: be the one who shoots first.

     I have given a shining example of love for one's country; I let three hundred thousand people die for it.

LN, 10 January 1937


Jonathan K. Cohen said...

"Employeer" - is this really "Employer," or is it a synthesis of employer and employee?

"Funeral Parlor" - "It's been so long since he had a really glorious funeral!" Should this be "It's been so long since we had a really glorious funeral!"?

Andrew said...

Both were as you requested. And thank you. The latter really deleted the entire humor of the piece.