Saturday, January 19, 2008

These Times

The Advance of Civilization
     We slaughter more efficiently, but we don't call it war any more.

No War
     The proof that we actually do not wish for war: we fight without declaring it.

International Agreements
     ...yes, certainly, but it is our internal affair as to whom we invade.

Bulletin
     We deployed two new division with tanks and planes into battle. The enemy is in retreat, having suffered heavy losses. The peace holds.

Diplomatic Note
To demonstrate our peace-loving nature, we are willing to allow our enemy to surrender unconditionally.

Protest
     We complain to the rest of the civilized world that our barbaric enemy, instead of accepting our conditions, continues to allow our pilots to kill his women and children.

Bulletin
     Our air force has finished its bombardments, achieving a decisive success against the enemy forces. One soldier, seventy women, and one hundred children were killed.

Wolf and Goat
     We have reached an economic arrangement: I won't eat your grass, and you will feed me of your own flesh.

Proof
     To prove our strength, and so we can come to an agreement with the neighboring state, we have begun to bombard his undefended cities.

Bulletin
     The enemy maliciously attempted to shoot at our airplanes, who were peacefully dropping bombs on his city.

Good Intentions
     We are willing to bring our conflict before an international conference--of course on condition that we will be found to be right.

Proverb
     The more the wiser man retreats, the more the smarter man contests every step.

Two Tigers in the Jungle
     We met in the interest of peace. We agreed that we would hunt together.

Peace
     We don't want war. A punitive campaign against the weak is enough.

Fox
     Don't believe all that squawking. Once I'm done, there's always peace in the henhouse.

Gangster
     Sir, if you were to defend yourself, I would be forced to consider it an unfriendly act.

Wolf
     I have eaten my fill. Once again the higher morality has prevailed!

Mugger
     He came after me, while I simply was defending my interest in his wallet.

The Court
     Three hundred arrested? And what do they plead guilty to?

Forty-five of the Executed
     According to their own free confessions, they were attempting to knock the Earth from its orbit.

Death
     So you see, this sort of peace isn't all bad!

LN, 22 November 1937

3 comments:

Martinus said...

"Bulletin
Our air force has finished its bombardments, achieving a decisive success against the enemy forces. One soldier, seventy women, and one hundred women were killed."

Should that maybe be seventy women and one hundred children?

Andrew said...

Yes. Yes it should.

Fixed.

Thank you, and my apologies.

Martinus said...

Thank you. I'm enjoying the chance to read your translation.